XANDER BLAKELY BLOG

Cruising in Russia

In browsing the latest online issue of Kommersant, the
best business-economic-entertainment paper in Russia (think of it as a combination of the Wall Street Journal, the Economist, and Playboy), I stumbled across an article about celebrity Aleksei Kortnev taking a PT Cruiser for a week-long test drive in Moscow. Kortnev is the lead singer for Neshastni Slyuchi, which translates as Accident, as in car accident. Think of 'Accident' as a combination of Harry Connick jr., Dave Mathews, and Soul Coughing. I know, it's an odd combo, but it works. Well enough for them to be one of the most famous, and well regarded, bands in Russia. If the idea of a famous Russian musician taking an infamous American cartoon car for a test drive in Moscow doesn't make you smile, Kortnev's comments will.

He starts by praising the Cruiser for how quickly the car heats up, not a trivial matter during the cold Moscow winter. But then complains that it doesn't have seat warmers. (So much for the image of Russians as hearty, masochistic, ice eaters.) He claims to never smoke in the car, but heaps praise on the car's ingenious ash tray. He's surprised, pleasantly, that such innovation comes from, of all people, the notoriously anti-smoking Americans. He also appreciated the two cigarette lighters (one for igniting smokes, one for charging cell phones) and one behind the rear seat (for reasons he doesn't bother to guess). After his wife 'privatizes' the car for much of the week, he determines that it's a chick car. Also, it still suffers from the defect that all cars suffer from: you can't drive it while drunk.

The article is in a Kommersant spin-off magazine, Avtopilot. Fast cars, naked women, and more fast cars. If anybody has any doubt about the Russian soul being incompatible with individualism, hedonism, and capitalism should look at this magazine.